Random Thoughts from the Tangie Dreamz Chaos Desk
Do you need something to stare at on your phone while your family has an awkward misinformed conversation about politics this holiday season? I got you covered.
I’m about to say the nastiest thing you’ve ever heard.
Saweetie was right, spaghetti with ranch is good. I recently went home for thanksgiving and my first meal home from the airport was homemade spaghetti and leftover Wingstop from the family dinner the day before. I got a disposable cup of ranch to dip my wings in and right after I sat down and twirled spaghetti onto my fork, the intrusive thoughts started. “I’ve been doing this with pizza for years, how bad could it be?” “No one will know.” “It’s just food, all going to the same place.”
So, I did it. I dipped a little bit of the spaghetti into the ranch. It was delicious. I’m throwing up in my mouth out of shame as I type this.
When Saweetie was posting what Twitter and beyond have dubbed “prison plates,” quite a few people were quick to point out that if someone, say Lizzo were to post herself doing the same, the fatphobia would be off the charts for weeks if not months. There was also a conversation about the correlation between black celebrities, their fast-food endorsements, and food insecurities that I thought was pretty interesting.
Either way, I’m not going to make it a regular thing. I’m definitely not going to drizzle ranch over my plate whenever I have spaghetti. But if there happens to be a little cup of ranch around…. mind your damn business and let me cook!!!!
Hot women, great houses, and nothing else really
What is there really to say about Selling Sunset? I got my start in reality TV watching the show Freshman Year on HBO when I was in elementary school. In middle school, I watched Jerseylicious and Dance Moms. I didn’t really pick it back up until halfway through undergrad with The Real Housewives (Beverly Hills, New York, Atlanta, Potomac, and Salt Lake City respectively). There’s a certain amount of kayfabing that goes into every reality tv show. Editing sideways stares in here, scripting lines there, production staging a fight every once in a while. Bravo really came out on top with their Housewives franchises, spinoffs like Vanderpump Rules, then their Summer/Winter Houses and Married to Medicine franchises. Even if everything about these shows were fake, the characters they casted, Nene Leakes maybe being the most popular example, were compelling or at the very least entertaining.
Netflix doesn’t have any of that. Something about everything is just a liiiiitttle bit off. The editing looks so transparently fake. Some of the casts have the personalities of a stale bagel (just one, they all share it).
But with Selling Sunset especially, what really bugs me is the music!!!!! I hate the damn music in this show. The transition music between every scene and even during the scenes sounds like it was generated by a yassified girlboss AI bot. I hate it and I had to stop watching the show because of it.
Why does every second of the show have the insatiable need to be filled with noise? It reminds me of learning about television news in high school, how the chyron is constantly rolling, how the weather and traffic and stock market reports are ticking and flashing in the corners of the screen. The idea is that you don’t want to look away or change the channel because you don’t want to miss anything, but that’s not true, at least not for me. I get so overstimulated I have to change the channel.
It’s even worse with Selling Sunset. The women fake bicker about being boss bitches and cry about how good they are at capitalism, then it’s all followed up by someone singing a song a little too on the nose about the scene before. Two women have a fight? Get ready for a song from a Jessie J wannabe about how there’s no one you can trust. Someone having relationship issues? Cue a song by a Demi Lovato knockoff about how painful it is to be in love (the lyrics are probably literally “it’s painful to be in love.”) I stopped watching after the fifth season because I couldn’t take it.
But, in November this year after watching over 100 episodes of Law and Order: SVU with almost no interruptions and having dreams night after night of a murderer chasing me as a result, I had to find something empty to watch, something brainless and painless. Selling Sunset was…not that. But I’m going to keep watching with 60% of it on mute until I either can’t take it anymore or I find another show to watch. If you have any suggestions, please I’m begging you to comment them below.
A devoted fan has created a Selling Sunset playlist, listen to what I’m talking about below.
My Body and Me
Recently there have been times where my stomach makes a weird noise. Not the hungry noise, not the “you just ate soooo much cheese, dummy! why would you do that, stupid!” noise, but a different, unique noise. It happens when I’m not full but I’m definitely not hungry. I’m not sure what to do with it but I don’t like it! I wish it would stop. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like my organs are moving furniture around in my body.
I also have a grey hair. It stares at me, I stare at it. I don’t want to cut it or pluck it because I don’t want to be ashamed of my own mortality. Every feminist I know says there’s dignity and grace in age. This is my first experience with age bumping ever-so-slightly up against my own personal aesthetic and I have to say, I hate it so much.
One quarter of a century into life and I gotta say, it’s the pits. Apparently it’s supposed to get both better and worse from here. I can’t wait.
“Daddy is Meryl Streep” – Michael Scott
Last week between reading various books, listening to podcasts, and watching YouTube video essays, I heard four different Devil Wears Prada references in less than 48 hours. I decided to rewatch The Office (what’s new) and I watched the episode where Ryan starts a fire in the office kitchen when he burns his cheesy pita.
The staff all wait outside and play “desert island” where they have to choose movies to watch if they were deserted on an island with nothing else. Mindy Kaling and Amy Adam’s characters Kelly and Katie choose Legally Blonde, which causes Jim and Pam to snicker.
People, both the cast and viewers have speculated that The Office couldn’t do a reboot because some aspects of the show have aged poorly. But it’s not the aspects that they think. No one with sense is upset at 18-year-old episodes like “Diversity Day” or the many times Michael made ignorant racial comments to Stanley and Oscar.
But it is now a fairly common observation that Jim and Pam were losers. The most prominent example, according to Twitter (I am never calling it X!!!!!) and TikTok is men saying they’re looking for “the Pam to their Jim;” that’s red flag number one. It’s an indicator that the user probably has no personality. I think this reddit post sums up the Jim and Pam discourse adequately.
Jim and Pam laugh at the bobble headed bitch who chooses Legally Blonde, but 17 years later people are reanalyzing movies like Devil Wears Prada1 and Legally Blonde; they’re films about taking women and their interests seriously, embracing and balancing femininity instead of shunning it. These movies paved the way for the Barbie-mania of 2023 and are, in my opinion, better than Barbie. If Jim and Pam were real, I’d call CPS on them for raising their daughter to be “not like other girls.” Well, well, well, how the turn tables.
Okay, your family has probably moved past politics and now they’re discussing family drama, time to make your way back into the kitchen, living room, or basement where they gather to talk shit. I hope you get a nice juicy piece of gossip this year, like finally finding out why your cousin is That Way™. See you next year!